why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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