I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
