last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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