Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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