I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
