I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
