I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
