3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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