Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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