I just cut my nipple shaving
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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