U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
