matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
