Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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