i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
