Ambien. No doubt about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
