We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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