she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
