I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
