i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
