Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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