I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
