Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
