note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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