3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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