i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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