I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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