You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
