So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
