Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
