I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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