meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
