I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back