Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
