I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
