Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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