I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
