I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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