Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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