i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
