so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
