i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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