I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
