I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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