What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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