The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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