He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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