True but thats because hes a fetus.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
