I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Four minutes until I can fart!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
