Screwed.edu
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
