I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
