did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
