Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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