Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
