Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
