He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
