So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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