You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
