my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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