I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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