6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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