he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
