At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
