HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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