Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
