Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize