Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need to calm my uterus...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize