She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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