the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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