i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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