you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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