I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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