I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
love makes seman taste better
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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